Today has been a better day. I don’t know if it is because Reed is feeling better or the fact that I got some needed sleep today, but I am feeling stronger and more like myself.
I’ll be the first to admit, I had a moment of panic. A really big one. I imagined a singer and her band all set up at a beautiful Amphitheater of which the usual fee of $500.00 had been waived in Parker’s behalf………..and nobody there to listen.
Forget dreams where you realize you are back in High School wearing only your underwear. This panicked moment was much, much, much more intense. And it was way too close to my reality.
It’s a funny thing about accepting offers for fund raisers. While you are eternally grateful for the love and support being shown your child, you also, deep inside, find yourself feeling a little embarrassed, a little worried that people are thinking less of you because you can’t afford the necessary items for your child’s well being……………… even if you can’t think of one single other family you know who could come up with the kind of out of pocket expenses that Parker’s care has accrued.
Trust me. Nobody ever expects to be in the situation Reed and I are in. It is a type of spotlight you would gladly not have to step into.
It is harder than you would think. And there are a few people out there I really wish would take some time and think about that.
I’ve allowed my self esteeem to be roughed up a bit because of a few experiences I’ve had. The bottom line is that Reed and I are totally committed to providing Parker with the best medical care we possibly can. And if that means our pride takes a few hits along the way, so be it. I’m a Mom first and foremost. I can take it.
We’ve received new offers of support. New reassurances that we are doing the right thing. And we are getting this event back on track. Just like it should be.
We’ve got a plan.
My Mom was giving me one of her famous Pep Talks today. She was reminding about my Grandmother, Martha Patterson. Martha rode into Texas sitting in the back of a covered wagon. She had only a 3rd grade education after being pulled out of school to work in the fields to help support her family. This same woman found herself a single Mother of five kids which she raised by herself with only the wages she received from her job ‘candle-ing’ chicken eggs.
I come from a long line of smart, strong, and independent woman. Women who weren’t afraid to stand up to a challenge. I am part of an amazing legacy.
A legacy that I am not about to disappoint.