April hasn’t been the best of months so far. I don’t know why, but if it could go wrong, be exasperating, insulting, heart wrenching, or simply exhausting, this has been the month for it to happen.
There’s still a couple of weeks left before May…..and a clean start……comes along. I’m almost afraid to see what the rest of April has in store. I’m praying that May brings some happiness with it. Something positive. Something uplifting. Something exciting.
Do you ever have periods where you just want to throw in the towel and cry “Uncle!”?
Unfortunately when you’re a parent to a medically fragile kid with special needs when you drop the ball, the end result isn’t just about you.
It effects your kid too.
Regardless of how tired you are, those three nightly bolus feeds still need to be taken from the fridge and fed to your little boy. He can’t bolus himself.
Regardless of how tired you are, those meds and nebs still need to be administered. All of them. Your kid can’t do it for himself.
When you are in charge of your child’s education, everything he learns is your responsibility. It’s every bit as important as those meds and nebs. Regardless of how tired you are.
If Parker were able to go to school, I could put a lot of the responsibility of what Parker learns into his IEP and on the shoulders of his teachers.
I don’t have that luxury.
It’s all on me.
But it doesn’t end there. I still have all the stuff around the house to get done too. Then there are the doctor appointments, therapies, and the never ending, never ending, that still needs to be addressed.
I made a huge mistake and allowed someone to make me feel as though I don’t do enough. To make me feel as though I should be accomplishing more in a day….and even more at night. Someone who had no idea what they were talking about, who refused to even acknowledge all that I was and did do. But isn’t that how it always is? Someone who has no idea what they are talking about trying to diminish the worth of others?
As I pushed harder and harder I only made myself sick and still couldn’t convince that certain person I was doing as much as they thought I should. I allowed it to damage my self worth.
It’s a lesson I’ve had to learn over and over again……to respect myself…….to hone my self worth to a point where I no longer care what anyone else thinks.
I’m going back to putting what is important first.
If someone else disagrees with my choices, well, that’s unfortunate.
Being critical doesn’t showcase the weakness of others, it showcases the weakness within yourself.