It has been a rough few days. Parker has been fighting off a particularly nasty form of the Creeping Crud. It’s been kicking all of our butts.
And we are all feeling a little fuzzy around the edges today.
Parker’s oxygen saturations have been low and his heart rate has been high. Never a good combination. And a classic distress signal alerting us that stressful times are on the horizon.
Yesterday morning the secretions from Parker’s lungs were so thick that they plugged his trach to a point where Parker was unable to get oxygen. I had to frantically try and clean that plug out while listening to his sat monitor scream that his oxygen levels had plummeted into the 60’s.
I thought I was going to have to perform an emergency trach change….something you never want to have to do alone. But luckily I was able to get enough saline down into the canula of Parker’s trach to loosen that mucus plug and suction it out.
It took both Parker and I a good 30 minutes to recover.
You never get used to having your child’s life literally in your hands. There is always a part of you that wants to give into the paralyzing fear while another part of you is telling yourself to get it together…you CAN and WILL do this.
All while your child looks at you with terror in his eyes.
I few years ago I would never have believed that I could do what I need to do on a regular basis now.
It humbles me to think of how much Parker relies on me. How much he trusts me to take care of him. The faith this beautiful little guy has in me to make sure that all in his world is as it should be.
Parkers needs are a labor of love. They are a blessing. An opportunity. A way to show my gratitude for having such a beautiful little soul in my life.
One day our guy will be healthy and no longer need the intricate care that he now relies on. But I know that there will still be a special bond of trust and love between us. I know that he will know beyond a doubt that when he needs me……..I will be there.