Every once in a while I’ll come across a conversation were parents are waxing philosophical about whether or not they would ‘cure’ their child if they could.
My answer to this question may raise some eyebrows. (And offend anyone who doesn’t want to read anything about religious beliefs. NOW would be a good time to wander away if stuff like this bothers you.)
While I would be the first in line for a way to cure pulmonary hypertension, the extra chromosome is no big deal to me.
Yup, you read it right. I think Parker is perfect just the way he is.
I’ll give you a moment to let that sink in.
You can even wonder what the hell is wrong with me. (You so won’t be the first to experience that thought.)
I believe that each and everyone of us, before we were sent down into our earthy existence, were told exactly what we were getting ourselves into.
And we agreed.
I believe that each of us needs to experience different things during our earthly probation. What I need to learn, you may have mastered long ago.
And vice versa.
I believe that we are here to help each other live lives worthy of return to our Father in Heaven’s presence.
None of us can do it on our own.
I believe that those with special needs mastered, before they even came down to earth, what most of us are still struggling to grasp.
And I believe that spirits like Parker agreed to accept the calling as master teachers for the rest of us. I believe that they offer us opportunities to raise the bar in our lives. To reach out and reflect Christlike love in our own actions.
Each and every day Parker gives me the opportunity to be a better person and commit to extend more love and grace to those around me.
Which just so happens to be a few of the things I so need to work on.
Yup, this little Captain of Chaos teaches his Mama on a daily basis.
Parker’s life is, overall, amazing. He learns, he loves, he grows, he recognizes and expresses joy.
Not exactly something I believe anyone should be ‘cured’ of, don’t you think?
What do you believe about those, like Parker, who live their lives within the realm of special needs?
ps: Something that MUST be cured? The pity we (and so many others) STILL receive in connection to our kid. It’s like all of the blogging I do, all of the love I express, all of time I spend explaining how thrilled we are to have this kid in our lives just kinda leaks outta people’s ears.
DON’T pity a kid with special needs. (Or their family for that matter.) Instead take a moment and wish you had that kind of courage to draw upon in your own lives. That kind of determination to succeed. Even if our definition of success comes no where near that of the mainstream definition.
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Amen!! Let us all celebrate the diversity of the will of God. None of us are perfect. Only God is perfect. We need to embrace our imperfections and differences and learn to just love. Love it all. Love each other. Warts and all. That is true peace on earth.
Hi Tammy,
I really enjoy reading your posts. You & Parker are extraordinary.
we agree on so many things
Yes, Parker IS perfect! And I totally understand what you mean about wanting to cure his PH, but not his extra chromosome. I’d like to “cure” some parts of Cam, or just give him more functionality, but I don’t want to change who he is.
Not sure if you’ve read my article that I wrote on my little guy about being “perfect”, but thought you might enjoy it. It was published many years ago, but I still feel the same:
http://www.lilangelgifts.com/newspaper%20article%20Cameron.pdf
Twitter: kadiera
Jan 17, 10
Pity is definitely the thing that needs work. Alex and I were out today, and again had someone tell us how sad it was that he had a trach and oxygen. I said, ‘no, there are far worse things in life – don’t be sad that he’s happy, smiling, and crawling all over the place, be sad for the kids that don’t get that opportunity.’ She thought I was nuts, of course, and kept going on about how awful it was. *sigh*
Amen Tammy!
I could not agree more! Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I, too, would like a cure for PH, not down syndrome. Everytime I look at my little boy, I think to myself that he’s perfect!! And I know there are those that probably look at me and my family and pity us. But I would never trade places! I am so grateful for my little one with an extra chromosome! He has taught me more in the past 3 years than I ever learned in my previous 31!
yes Tammy…you are so right. My daughter says that God picked her to raise Maddox…….and she feels very, very honored
Beautiful post Tammy
YUP! Cure diseases, treasure differences!
I’m totally with ya on that! Wouldn’t trade a single chromosome in La Principessa.
Pity is the worst! I wrote a post about this last week. The good news is there is a CURE for that!
http://www.sneakpeekatme.com/2010/01/you-think-you-know-but-you-have-no-idea.html
Twitter: AMomBlog
Jan 18, 10
I can’t imagine, that if my Little Bug weren’t a special needs child, how sad I would be not to have known such an innocent, truly heart-felt, genuine love. He’s shown me strength, courage and a love so deep, a love I’d never know without “special” him.
Twitter: MommaHopeful
Jan 18, 10
Funny you should mention “cure”…
i don’t want to fix Jack. My problems are MINE not his. My worries, anxieties, etc…are MINE.
He’s taught me that Our Father does, indeed, have a bigger plan.
And ANYONE who thinks that there should be “cured” special needs kids…is wrong.
I might have to tackle this as well.
(I gotch-yer back girl!)
I too would not change Malakai’s diagnosis – in Life there are no mistakes, only perfection – if we choose to see it.
I am blessed to have been chosen to mother my son!
PS – I love the way you write. It is so simple and straightforward, and yet so powerful!
Twitter: therextras
Jan 19, 10
Praying for Parker’s HP to be cured.
Just like you…I rely on this verse: 1 Corinthians 1:26-28.
Telling about it here:
http://www.therextras.com/therextras/faith-in-my-professions.html
I think you have a lovely perspective. Thanks for sharing it.
Very well said. Thanks for sharing.
Amen, Sister! You expressed this sentiment beautifully! I’m certainly the one that needs to be “fixed.”
Thank-you for sharing.
WARNING: disturbing description ahead–don’t read this if you don’t like such descriptions
I hope I don’t cause anyone grief by bringing this up, but I cannot entirely agree with the following statement as it is currently written:
“I believe that each and every one of us, before we were sent down into our earthy existence, were told exactly what we were getting ourselves into.
And we agreed.”
The word I take occasion with is “exactly.” I have a very specific reason for doing so. Let us consider, for a moment, two scenarios:
#1: You are a spirit preparing to come to earth. You are told, “As part of your earthly probation, you will go to a loving, close-knit, devoutly religious family. However, a close family member of yours will be a pedophile, and from the time you are a toddler until your early teen years, he will repeatedly molest you and make you feel dirty and worthless. When you are nine years old, he will forcibly attempt to take your virginity.”
#2: You are the same spirit preparing to come to earth. You are told, “You will have the blessings of the gospel and a loving family. However, because other people have the right to use their agency even in terrible and destructive ways, there is a high probability one of your relatives will be abusive, and you are likely to become the target of that abuse.”
I can believe a spirit child might possibly accept the general conditions of life expressed in scenario #2, but only an insane person would accept the nightmarish specifics of scenario #1–even though both scenarios describe the same life: my own.
Likewise, priesthood blessings rarely give us highly specific descriptions of events in our lives–usually they are indications of the Lord’s love for us, the blessings He has in store for us, and the things we should be looking to do if we seek those blessings. Yes, no doubt the Lord could even tell us what we’re going to have for breakfast tomorrow if He wanted–but that’s not usually how He operates.
That said, do I believe you agreed to a set of events that included having Parker in your family? Absolutely. But to suggest that every person on earth willingly agreed to every possible horrific act of abuse, torture, cruelty and worse that was fated to be part of his or her life? I simply cannot countenance that belief.
Tammy says:
Dear Annon,
Point taken. Thank you.
Well said! This topic has been around and around our family ever since our Sadie was born. We have the same beliefs and understandings of the gospel and free agency. I agree that the extra chromosome isn’t that big of a deal; but that extra chromosome affects so much of her body. I hate to see her, or Parker- or any other kids with ds- suffer. So, at times I have said, “I would take it away”. But, it always comes back to knowing that she is a child of God and He loves her. He would never leave her, or me, or anyone who wanted Him and the comfort of the Spirit. I know she made a choice to come here and live with Down Syndrome… and no matter how hard it is to see her suffer or struggle I am impressed with her courage and strength. Thank you for sharing these honest and insightful thoughts!