Today has been a better day. I don’t know if it is because Reed is feeling better or the fact that I got some needed sleep today, but I am feeling stronger and more like myself.
I’ll be the first to admit, I had a moment of panic. A really big one. I imagined a singer and her band all set up at a beautiful Amphitheater of which the usual fee of $500.00 had been waived in Parker’s behalf………..and nobody there to listen.
Forget dreams where you realize you are back in High School wearing only your underwear. This panicked moment was much, much, much more intense. And it was way too close to my reality.
It’s a funny thing about accepting offers for fund raisers. While you are eternally grateful for the love and support being shown your child, you also, deep inside, find yourself feeling a little embarrassed, a little worried that people are thinking less of you because you can’t afford the necessary items for your child’s well being……………… even if you can’t think of one single other family you know who could come up with the kind of out of pocket expenses that Parker’s care has accrued.
Trust me. Nobody ever expects to be in the situation Reed and I are in. It is a type of spotlight you would gladly not have to step into.
It is harder than you would think. And there are a few people out there I really wish would take some time and think about that.
I’ve allowed my self esteeem to be roughed up a bit because of a few experiences I’ve had. The bottom line is that Reed and I are totally committed to providing Parker with the best medical care we possibly can. And if that means our pride takes a few hits along the way, so be it. I’m a Mom first and foremost. I can take it.
We’ve received new offers of support. New reassurances that we are doing the right thing. And we are getting this event back on track. Just like it should be.
We’ve got a plan.
My Mom was giving me one of her famous Pep Talks today. She was reminding about my Grandmother, Martha Patterson. Martha rode into Texas sitting in the back of a covered wagon. She had only a 3rd grade education after being pulled out of school to work in the fields to help support her family. This same woman found herself a single Mother of five kids which she raised by herself with only the wages she received from her job ‘candle-ing’ chicken eggs.
I come from a long line of smart, strong, and independent woman. Women who weren’t afraid to stand up to a challenge. I am part of an amazing legacy.
A legacy that I am not about to disappoint.
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
I know you can do it.
There’s a family in my town that has an extremely high-needs child and they’ve had many fundraisers – dances, concerts, school events – and I’ve never heard so much as a hint of judgement at them. Ever.
When our friends/church family/etc. had a fundraiser last summer for izzy, my husband was really uncomfortable with it, I was not. Whatever it takes to help Izzy I will do. It blesses people to help, I have had so many people say they didn’t know how to help and this gave them a purpose. I haven’t had another since last year, haven’t really had any offers or anything… but, it’s okay for now. I am praying that this is a great success and that it relieves some of the stress you face day to day.
I added parker’s button to my page. I have seen it around and just hadn’t done it until tonight.
That is neat that ‘believe’ is such an important word to you too. I love it. I do believe and I want to shout it from the top of my lungs!
You go girl! That must have been some pep talk from your mom
YAY!!! Today is a better day!!! We will keep praying for ya though
You rock! I am so sorry I am not there to help you, I promise I would. And I know oh so well what you mean with when you actually ask it is always something else… BUt then every once in a while, there are people comingf around who will walk the extra mile, and it just makes you feel so much better.
Im glad you are feeling better today. You are doing the right thing, whatever Parker needs…go after it. Im praying it all goes well for you and your family.
Your grandmother sounds like a remarkable woman. My own paternal grandmother also had a third grade education for exactly the same reason – pulled out of school to pick cotton. You know, she was always very proud of the fact that she could write her name in cursive.
Get this. She married when she was 13 years old and my grandfather was 33, twenty years older than her. Back then a man simply chose a strong looking young girl who could give him sons to help on the farm or in the fields. She gave him five sons. By comparison, we’re pretty spoiled nowadays.
I admire your strength and your perseverance. In so many ways, little Parker is blessed.
Oh, YAY! Praying for the fundraiser!
Sending you much love and hopes for a very successful event, from Miss E and I.
We love you Parker!!!
Tammy, I wish I were in Utah. I’d be a mad woman running from one end of the state to the other promoting this concert. I have posted on my blog and am praying.
Hang on, God will provide.
You have already made your grandmother proud, I’m sure of it. And I do know how hard it is; and I am inspired and heartened by your example. It’s a pleasure to know you.