Sitting in the ‘Safe Room’

Update:  Parker started today out bright eyed and bushy tailed.

Not so much the Mama.

I have a call into Parker’s cardiologist.  Hopefully this will prove to be just a fluke.

Hopefully.

I’m sitting in the rocking chair, next to Parker’s crib keeping careful eye on Parker’s oxygen sat monitor.

His heart rate has decided to hang out in the very low 50’s and take several trips  into the low 40’s.

Moments that cause my heart to want to freeze up.

His sat monitor is continuously beeping.  You can silence it for a few moments, but it just goes right back to chirping it’s warning.

You’d think that I’d be used to the sound of the alarm by now.  That I’d be able to tune it out.  But, no.  I don’t just hear it, I feel it.  Anticipate it.   My heart knows knows the alarm is coming before the sound ever reaches my ears.

I thought that putting his vent on him might help bring up his heart rate.  But no such luck.

There is comfort in the knowledge that if Parker were to stop breathing the vent would kick in and take over that job for him.


But that isn’t enough to allow myself to sleep tonight.

A mere machine could never take the place of this Momma’s intuition.

Or the power of her prayers.

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