It wasn’t long after Parker was born that the question of baptism came up. Does a child with Down syndrome need to be baptized? What if the child could understand and answer the baptismal questions, didn’t he deserve to be baptized? Would it be hard for Parker not to be baptized when his friends were being baptized.
At the time my hope was that Parker would be one to be able to understand the covenant of baptism and be baptized.
That was before we understood how fragile Parker’s health was. How many surgeries he had (and has) ahead of him.
It was before we knew our Hero would be non-verbal.
It was before we knew so much that goes into a decision of whether to baptize or not.
Parker turns EIGHT next week. The age in our Church were a child gets baptized. It’s an ordinance Parker won’t be participating in.
Taking Parker into a baptism font and immersing him underwater would only confuse and scare him. He wouldn’t be able to understand the significance of what was going on.
Is that hard for me? Yes.
Am I okay with this? That answer requires a little more soul searching.
Would I love for Parker to be at a level where he could understand what it means to be baptized? Would I love to be working with him on his answers to the baptismal questions and having him verbally explain to me what it means to be baptized?
More than I can express.
Instead I’m choosing to focus on the innocence that is my son. The unconditional love he gives. The every day miracle he is. He represents prayers answered. A spirit that never gives up.
To me Parker exemplifies much of the goodness found within my religion. He doesn’t need to be baptized. His mission on this earth doesn’t require it in order to return with both honor and glory to his Father in Heaven.
And I’m okay (and very thankful) with that.
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In the Lutheran faith infants are baptized (not by immersion but water placed on the forehead) & have sponsors (Godparents) who ‘speak on behalf of the child’ and promise to help bring the child up in the faith. There is no distinction between a Downs Syndrome child or a ‘healthy child’ so all are baptized into the faith. Around 7-8th grade, children are ‘Confirmed’, after studying the Bible and then they profess their faith and then can receive the ‘body & blood of Christ’ at ‘The Lord’s Supper’/communion and begin to assume more active rolls in the church. My aunt was a Special Education teacher and she worked with some children who had severe Downs Syndrome. Their ‘confirmation classes’ were not as complex/detailed as the ‘typical class’. But these children were able to demonstrate an elementary understanding & the foundation for our faith, ‘Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and thou shalt be saved”. While there are other things our church believes are essential-bottom line was, as long as the Downs Syndrome individuals could exhibit a basic understanding of the above, they were confirmed. God did not say, ‘Let the “Healthy’ children come unto me. But Jesus said, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are like these children.” Matthew 19:14
Twitter: MommaHopeful
Nov 12, 12
I’ve been struggling with this as of late too. I go back and forth with the “what ifs” and I want him baptized (just in case), but I don’t (because I’m being optimistic). Sigh.
Love you.
Twitter: kadiera
Nov 12, 12
As you know, our household isn’t Christian, but I grew up in a Lutheran church much like one of your other commenters described. Back in 1989, there was a young woman confirmed with my class who had spent about 5 years working with our then-pastor towards that day rather than in class with the rest of us (and frankly it was one of the few redeeming actions in his troubled stint as head pastor there). I do not think S had Down Syndrome, but she had cognitive delays, some atypical facial features, and her speech was limited and challenging. At our confirmation ceremony, most of us read an essay describing a Bible verse and what it meant. S, with the help of a flannel board and a few difficult to understand words, answered questions posed by the pastor about Jesus’ birth and death and what it meant.
Still…I find myself struggling daily with how to teach faith to a child who I’m not even sure how to teach reading to – who I’m convinced doesn’t process language the way the rest of us do. Faith is such a nebulous thing, and when even concrete subjects are hard, it makes it hard to see the path.
apamm1:
I belong to the same church as Tammy, and I hope that she does not mind me commenting on your comment.
My son with DS (C) is 13 years old. He is also non-verbal. (He is hard of hearing and has verbal apraxia.) He has not been baptized.
In our church, we believe that children are not accountable for their sins until the age of 8 years old. Children who are cognitively not accountable (if they are older than 8, but do not understand cognitively right from wrong) and children under the age of 8, do not need to be baptized. These children are “alive in Christ” because of the atonement and resurrection of Jesus Christ. They are innocent and perfect. This includes children who die before the age of 8. I do know of some people with DS who have been baptized.
Like I said, C has not been baptized. It was also hard for me when he turned eight. Both my husband and I did not feel that he was ready to be baptized. The hardest thing for me was that C had 4 cousins that were born within a year his birthday. It was hard to see these children be baptized and know that he was not ready. Even though I knew and believe that he does not need to be baptized, it was still hard. Another reason that it was hard, was that C started signing “my turn” at all these baptisms. (He would start to get really upset that he wasn’t having a turn. Even though, if we did decide to let him be baptized because of him saying “his turn”, he hated water at the time and would not enjoy being in the water and going completely under.
2 1/2 years later, C’s younger brother turned 8 and was baptized. I was extremely worried that C would be upset again and would want a turn. We still at the time, knew that C was still not ready. I prayed a lot in the weeks that C would not be upset about having a “turn” like his brother. Neither at N’s baptism then, and J’s last spring or any other baptism that we have attended in the last few years, has C expressed a desire to have a turn.
All that being said, I feel very peaceful about the fact that C has not been baptized.
Thanks for this post! I’d been thinking about Anthony and baptism since we “got” him as a tiny infant.
I don’t know where he will be, cognitively, mentally, and developmentally when he turns 8.
This is the first real discussion I’ve seen/heard, where someone doesn’t just brush me off. So, it was nice to read, and to read the comments.
{{HUGS}} Thanks for sharing your emotions, both happy and painful ones. Hope you got the things I sent your way. Do you need any more? Love you guys!
Amen. ox
My son Scotty also has DS and was not anywhere near ready to be baptized when he was 8 years old. I did not want him to go through the ordinance without understanding it and so, we waited. I figured when he was really ready, I would know. When he was 18, and within a two week period of time, two very important people in his life who knew him very well (his High School teacher and his Young Men’s President) approached me, separately and asked “have you thought about having Scotty baptized?”. These two individuals were not aquainted, but both loved Scotty and had recognized that he might be ready. And it was then that I knew. He took the missionary lessons (tailored to his level of understanding) and soon after was baptized by his Uncle John, with lots of loved ones in attendance. He was beaming! His Aunt Nancy gave a talk about Baptism and His High School teacher gave a talk about the Holy Ghost, or “Comforter”, and presented him with a comforter she had made for him. A short time later (a few months), the Young Men’s President ordained him a Deacon. He began passing the sacrament right away, with the assistance of one of the other more experienced Deacons. He is now 23 and passes the Sacrament every Sunday, (without assistance), and loves this privilage and honor. He touches many hearts with the dedication, and sincere respect he has for the Sacrament, and values his duties as a Deacon.
Tammy,
Thank you for your post, I just kind of happened upon.
I understand your feelings.
Our second son, who is now 24, with Downs, is pretty much non-verbal.
We always knew,he would never need to be baptized,as he is one of Gods children,and will always be accepted. That’s just the way it is, cut and dried.
Never second guess yourself, you know what is best, for you and for Parker.
Have a wonderful holiday season!
I’m so glad you found us, Lisa. It was hard for a minute, but I know in my heart that Parker has a sure spot in Heaven. Thanks for the sweet words!
I wish I had seen this blog several months ago. I embraced the Reformed/Presbyterian tradition many years ago which practices infant baptism. In my estimation, that is the correct tradition not just for biblical reasons. (When the head of household believed in the book of Acts, not only he, but his whole household was baptized; e.g. the Philippian Jailer. But Acts does not say his whole family believed. It emphasizes HIS belief.) I also believe it is the correct tradition for historical reasons. Christians in the early church were known to rescue children who were abandoned by the pagans. Pagans regularly practiced infanticide of females and developmentally disabled children. Christians rescued these children, baptized them, and raised them as their own. In ancient times, of course, they did not have the modern medical technology we have today. Many developmentally disabled children did not survive to adulthood. But my point is that the Christians were known for rescuing the babies the Pagans discarded. There must have been children with Down Syndrome that the Christians rescued, baptized, and raised them as their own, even if their lifespans were short. We have been going to a Baptist church the past three years. We recently decided to go to a PCA church that practices infant baptism after my daughter Catherine was born with Down Syndrome. Both my sons were baptized as infants because when they were born we were in churches that practiced it. Because I never gave up my conviction, even when being in a Baptist church, we recently decided to find a conservative Presbyterian Church in America congregation that would baptize my daughter. Some of our Baptist friends are quite upset with us. But I am convinced they are wrong on their position, because God would not exclude the disabled. God has a heart for the weak and the helpless. God always included the children of believers in the Old Covenant. He did not explicitly exclude them in the New Covenant. Pointing out that there is no explicit example of a child being baptized in the New Testament is not a strong argument, especially when WHOLE HOUSEHOLDS were baptized. The early church clearly acted DIFFERENTLY than the pagans by NOT aborting or killing their own disabled children. They baptized them and included them in the covenant people.
Hi there! I have four children with autism. Our oldest is my step-daughter who also has MMR-(mild mental retardation) From the moment she turned 7, we tried our best to teach her about baptism, the atonement, and forgiveness. As time got closer she started saying “I don’t want my daddy to push me in the water.” So I knew we still had our work cut out for us! Especially because of her EXTREME anxiety and fear of being tipped backwards. We had several sessions with the Elders to help teach her. We met with our bishop at the time. He talked to us about the special needs kids and whether or not baptism was necessary. His answer to me has always stuck out in my mind. He said (and I’m paraphrasing) That our Savior was perfect! In every single way! He didn’t have any sins to obtain remission for. But He knew it was a step that was necessary to enter into the kingdom of God. That being said, our children will remain just as pure and innocent and perfect as the day they were born! Until the day they return back to our Father in Heaven. He also explained to us, that it was not something that HAD to be done at 8yrs old. It is important that they understand the promises and covenants they are entering into. We ultimately did baptize her at 8. We did a LOOOOOOT of teaching and preparing. We went to a bunch of random baptisms so she could SEE what happens. Our bishop allowed us to have our own private baptism just in case there were any issues that may cause a scene or if we had to bail all together. Her baptism was one of THE MOST spiritual experiences I’ve been bless to have taken part in! She was GLOWING! Beaming from ear to ear. I’m glad we made the decision we did. It was the right one for her and our family. That’s just it though. That was right for US. It doesn’t mean it would be right for anyone else in a similar situation. I can’t say that when my other kiddos reach the same crossroad, it would be right for them.
I guess the important thing is to remember whatever the decision may be, The Lord will sort out the details. He would NEVER want baptism to be a traumatizing experience. No matter their status on baptism, they are and forever will be PERFECT!!
Thanks for letting me put my .02 in. Just wanted to share OUR experience and our ultimate decision.