We’ve been doing all things leaves lately.
Using bright colors to represent the beauty of the Fall.
Except the few leaves outside my window are brown and dried up.
They are lacking life or beauty.
Which is pretty much how I’ve been feeling lately.
Trying to make the very best decision for your child, whether he be typical or medically fragile with special needs, can take a toll on a Mama.
Trying to make sure you have a solid understanding of it all often seems impossible.
Then comes the phone call from your Pulmonologist which takes you so off guard (he’s not even in the country right now!) that you don’t think straight and you realize, after you’ve already hung up, you have more questions now than before.
How did I do that?
So all the ‘buts’ and ‘what ifs’ are left unanswered. And, for me, the unanswered is fertile ground for growing the worries. Sometimes I think that the only thing I do better than worry is second guess myself.
I keep telling myself that the color in my life is still there. It’s my attitude, my way of seeing that needs to be adjusted.
Some days it works. Other days? Well, notsomuch.
But it’s time to get my act together.Time to put on my combat boots, climb out of this trench I’ve been sulking in and take my place at the head of this fray.
A fight where both hope and faith must needs be the battle cry.
So much is depending on it.
“Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.
-John Wayne
See that Scentsy button up in the right hand corner of Parker’s blog? It’s owner, Katie, has been so sweet as to offer another raffle for a bit of Scentsy amazingness.
All proceeds will go directly towards Parker’s medical fund.
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
I love your leaves Parker. Good job painting.
Sometimes the weight of all the decision is very, very heavy. Just don’t let it crush you, ya know?
I love your posts, Tammy. They are always so impactful. I love the hope and faith battle cry. Thank you for reminding me of it.
And strangely for some reason I put Dakin’s name instead of mine on that post…weird…lolol
Hi Tammy,
I wanted to come by and thank you again for your comment. I’m also feeling a bit of the drain from things dying and crumbling outside.
But tonight, the snow started to fall, and cover the brown and boring lifeless leaves. And it’s calm, and quiet. A much welcomed site.
Here’s hoping you get a sign of peace and calm soon.
Deana
Hi Tammy, Nice to meet you. My prayers are with you and your Parker. My nephew’s name is Parker, btw. I have suffered with some of the same feelings.. I also have learned that I am a strong warrior b/c of the experiences. Peace to you!
That John Wayne quote is one of my favorites!!! Sometimes getting out of a rut is really hard … hugs to you
PS Love the leaves
Any little pilgrim that has a John Wayne quote under his name is all right in my books
hugs
You are so right. There is so much to know. There are so many angles. But beating yourself up for not being all-knowing? Completely not worth it. I should know. I’ve done if a few times myself.
Parker is adorable. I love that photo of him.
I hope you get some more answers soon. In the meantime, you’ll be in my prayers.