I can’t quite put my finger on it.
The feeling I get right before any and every Cardiologist appointment.
It’s like I’m preparing for disappointment just in case.
I’m mourning in advance.
Just in case.
Always the very real possibility of bad news. It’s happened before. An EKG telling us that the pulmonary hypertension is moving in the wrong direction. I was very specific after the last echo that any future echos would come with sedation. No echos are scheduled for tomorrow. Unless the EKG comes in scary. Then I know the cardiologist will want an echo and it will be too late for the sedation.
The thing is that during an EKG even though we ask Parker to be still……he isn’t. He’s everywhere. Then during the echo, even though we do everything but sit on the kid to keep him still, he’s everywhere. And everywhere has a tendency to screw up test results.
I’m not asking for miracles. I have a firm grasp on reality. But it’s a reality that includes a certain Bravest of Heroes in my life for many years to come. IF the PH complies.
I’ll be thrilled if everything simply looks the same. Holding steady is a good thing in the life we live. Regardless, we are in for the ‘let’s schedule a right heart cath’ talk. I’ll push for a summer cath. Or maybe we should just get it over with. It’s always something when ‘medically fragile’ is part of your child’s diagnosis.
I should have known better than to plan a cardiologist visit at the beginning of the Christmas season. Our original appointment was in October, but Parker was sick and we had to reschedule…..all the way to tomorrow.
There’s nothing like appointments with a cardiologist to flush your jolly right down the tubes.
We’re asking for prayers for tomorrow. Prayers of peace and maybe just a teeny bit of joy as we walk out the doors of tomorrow’s appointment.
Prayers that we can look towards the future with a sweet bit of hope.
Parker’s appointment starts at 12:30 Utah time tomorrow if you have a moment to send up a prayer for him, we’d be so very grateful.