I took Parker for a walk yesterday.
Gone are the days when this kid can survive indoors all the time. Like his older brothers, Parker wants OUT.
Like his other siblings, the doorbell rings and Parker makes a mad dash for the door.
Okay, as mad of a dash as one can with 50 feet of oxygen tubing getting caught on every nook and cranny.
Somebody even heads in the direction of the front door, and Parker is right there with them. Just in case.
So I grab the portable oxygen bottle, connect Parker and off we go for a walk around the neighborhood. As we walk a school bus stops to cough up a group of neighborhood kids. Parker is so excited he can’t stand it. Kids! His favorite kind of people in the whole entire world!
But Parker is of the age and size now where kids close to his age notice the differences.
Why isn’t he talking?
What’s that thing on his neck?
And why in the heck does he think I’m going to let him hug me? I don’t want him to hug me. Totally uncool, dude.
I take the jump and tell those who are still staring that, “This is Parker.” “He’s been really sick a lot and can’t go to school. But he loves to make new friends. Since he doesn’t get to play with kids very often, he get very excited when he sees you. One way he shows how happy he is to meet you is by trying to hug you. Maybe you could help show him that kids your age just like to say hi! instead.
Then, because I know most of these kids parents, I pulled out my secret weapon……Parker’s playset from Make A Wish.
Eyes got big. Salivary glands kicked into gear.
Houston, we had contact.
Did I feel guilty for bribing a couple of neighborhood kids to come hang out with mine?
Not in the least.
In my mind it’s all about building bridges. Finding common interests. I’m firm in my belief that as they get to know Parker and become more familiar with trachs and oxygen tubing, friendships will strengthen.
How do you build bridges? How to you find common interests and help encourage friendships?
Tammy,
Your willingness to help the other children learn how to play with Parker and build a bridge has me all choked up! I think your approach was genuine and genius!
What a wonderful post.
You lay a wonderful foundation for children who naturally have a fear and a curiosity of all unfamiliar. I hope you have many opportunities to repeat this.
I used to work in a Special Needs School. So whilst I cannot claim to understand the feelings of a parent, I had many “Parkers” in my life for a short while. There love for life was always so refreshing. Strike that. Infectious. By building that bridge today… perhaps Parker will “infect” a kid or two, which will lead to friendships, empathy and compassion.
PS. Your son’s pictures alone infected me with a smile 😉
That’s a great approach. Love the pics, Parker is such a cutie with a brilliant smile!
Only a GREAT mom would resort to bribing measures. Your story touched me. You and Parker will be in my prayers
i love kids, because they don’t just stare, with their jaws on the ground. They walk right up to Jax and me and ask, “whats that thing for”? I can explain it, the kids are a little more informed, and they don’t run away freaked out!
I’ve actually been surprised at how good kids are with Jax. Although he’s in a stroller, and he can’t run up to them and try to hug them. We’ll see when Arina gets big enough to do that. Except right now people are just drawn to Arina by her dashing good looks, and her super cute personality!
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At my center of 92 school-age children they are taught there are NO differences in all children!! No matter what struggles a child has in their life they are welcomed and discussions are opened to children; We may not all be the same but we are all alike!! All children are welcomed even if they are required a provided shadow to help them! I feel when children are taught at an early age acceptances of all children’s needs they are more apt to not be weary of differences and welcome all children in their play. It is up to parents, providers, and teachers to include this in life teachings. Teach these children young “inclusion” of all is rewarding to self and other children.
This is a strategy I use all the time! I invite friends from the integrated classroom to come hang out with us during group times, centers and they always are outside together. Having the common interest of a toy or play equipment is a great way to show that even though a child may not be able to say “hi” to you and may not run after you to play ALL children love to play and LOVE being with friends! It also helps when children see medical equipment on a regular basis and begin to understand that it is there to help the child and won’t hurt. (just wait, those same kids who had so many questions probably won’t even bat an eye after coming over to play several times!
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LOVE the approach. We have a very close family friend who has special needs (CP plus some other issues) and he’s now 19. My kids have been around him since he was 9 – so “it’s just who he is” to them. AND if that is the smile you get when he gets to be with other kids – i say GO FOR IT! Priceless!!!!